“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot lately in conjunction with starting this blog and “putting it out there” that I want to try to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Talking about either goal has been terrifying. Being fit enough to run fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon feels like it’s impossibly far away, and with my training I take one step forward, two steps back (I’m getting over a minor injury from upping my mileage too fast…).

Publishing a blog and pushing it out into the vast expanse that is the internet feels like streaking across a field during a big game… no, like streaking across a field where everyone you know and love is in the stands, watching every little imperfection juggle and wave as your legs pound against the ground. Vulnerability meets the critics.

But I’m going to do it anyways, because, as we all know, h8ers gonna h8. I’m sick of living a life where I embrace my inadequacies instead of my dreams. So even if this blog sucks, and even if my race times are the slowest ever known, and even if everything goes wrong, at least my dreams will die shining. 

Here’s a little poem I wrote up on the feeling:

 

The pain
And
The sweat
Is not the
Problem.


The Problem
Is (in) Side.

Of me.
The pain is not the
Problem;
My brain is
My problem.

Shouting out:
You can’t
You won’t
You don’t
Know how to
Succeed.

As my feet go
THUD
THUD
THUD
And ache
Against the
Pavement.

The pain is not the
Problem,


The problem?
I’m having a
hard time

Setting myself free.